So, I've been having an interesting time adding people to my Facebook account.  It has been a good way to catch up with people from High School -- most of whom I thought I never wanted to see or hear from again.  How things change.  Wait, let me explain, because the reasons why I didn't want to see people ever again were not the normal ones.....

I went to a small Quaker school (SSFS).  At the time there were just under 300 students total in the school (grades 6-12).  Now it is a preK to 12 school, and I think is around 500, but that's not relevent now.  I had friends in my class, and in the classes above and below.  Only a few very close ones.  But in my senior year something happened that defined me, and showed me how different I was from those around me (or at least for then).  One of the things you need to understand about Quakers is that they believe in consensus, in that the group as a whole must support something, and will tinker and modify things until all are happy or accept it.  Now, put that concept with students who, for the most part, are not Quaker, and are used to the majority rule concept.  Student meetings were interesting sometimes.  Usually I did not feel strongly enough to go against something, becuase most of we we did in the student government was nothing of importance.

The second thing to understand is that graduation at SSFS took place at the Sandy Spring Meeting house.  A lovely old meetinghouse.  But it can only hold so many people, so grads are limited in the tickets to give out.  I think we got 4 or 5.  (I know, no different from larger schools, but this gets important).  Alumni can go to the balcony if they want, no tickets.  Graduation is also a big thing for the chorus and musical groups because they put on a big concert for all.  (I was in the chorus, and orchestral ensemble, and handbell choir).

OK, so my graduating class had 60 or so students.  That was bigger than in some previous years due to the fact that they had opened the Middle School during our time there -- my class had the first of the students that had gone from grade 6 to 12.  (Although my sisters had been 99, just 7 years before, and that had been due to a big push to get lots of students into the school in the 70s.)  A section of my class got the brilliant idea to move graduation out of the meeting house and onto campus.  You know, so they could have everyone see it, and not have to limit their families.  A student meeting was called.  I listened to their proposel, and then got the courage to stand up and speak.  (Yes, I was moved to speak.  Quakers will automatically understand that phrase).

I pointed out to them the problems with their idea.  That they needed to take into account the weather.  If it rained there would have to be a tent (or more than one).  And how would the campus get set up for that?  The custodial staff already was busy cleaning up the school during exam week and after, but you wanted them to set up chairs and tents as well?  What about the music groups?  I knew that the music director (my advisor) would not have them perform outside.  I pointed out that we were not the largest class to graduate (I think they did not know this -- but I had attended my sisters so I knew).  I also had to limit who was could get tickets.  (Later I accused some of them of being greedy and just wanting more presents from people who came to their graduation).  I talked and answered and responded.  And I asked for others who felt my way to speak up.

And no one else stood up.

I never felt so alone and apart from my fellow classmates as in that moment.  For years that feeling I kept as my most defining moment of school.  It has faded somewhat, but the memory of my strength of conviction has stayed.

All the rest of them decided to write to the headmaster and tell him that they wanted to change graduation.  (So much for consensus, hey?).  I walked out of that meeting, and started composing a letter to the head of the Board of Trustees (even I knew the headmaster had to answer to them) as well as copies to the headmaster and faculty and others.  I wanted them to know that it was not a consensus.  I felt better for doing it.  Graduation was not moved (of course not -- seniors only think they are special and can get the things they want).  The president of the Board (who is always present at graduation to hand the diploma over) recognized me and talked to me afterwards, as did some of the rest of the Board.

I did not go to the reunions.  Although I did go back to SSFS to speak at the retirement of a dear friend and teacher (Doug Smith) who at one point almost married one of my sisters.  I was pregnant with the twins at the time.  Instead of going to my 20th reunion I want to Atlantia University that day (only a few miles away!).  I still had no desire to see anyone.

On FaceBook I have been adding some of the people from high school onto my friends list.  Some of the people I was closest to are not there.  But I have found that time has mellowed me a lot.  While I still don't necessarily want to see them as a group, the casual (but intimate) contact that Facebook allows has been interesting.  I can read their posts or other such when I want, on my terms.  We can share laughs at old jokes.  Electronic intimacy.

Hmmm... where to start

Let's go with good news first.  :)  Susan and Richard received their orange belts in karate this week.  They were immensely pleased with getting them.  I amd proud of their accomplishment.  I did not get to see the belting, as it was at a class that I don't sit at (my mom picks them up from that class).  But my mom did get to see the belting, so the kids thought it was good that way since she had not seen the others.

Now, its not that I have bad news, but a good portion of today sure looked bad.  It ended on a good note however, thanks to friends.

Started the morning off with cleaning the house.  Not always the best of activities around here, since it usually involves hours of us cajoling, yelling, snidely commenting, or whatever in order to get the kids to do anything.  Meanwhile I manage to straighten several rooms, and do laundry.  Go figure.  I don't particularly like to clean, but you don't see me acting like my kids.  Worse is how they hear us coming to check on them and all of a sudden there is a flurry of activity.  Or possibly even worse than that is listening to one child complain loudly about the others not doing any work (and of course that child is getting no work done because they are complaining).  Head against stone wall time here.

After lunch (since my clean up tasks are done but the kids no where near finished), I retreat to my room to work on some sewing projects.  After talking withladyaelfwynn about garb issues, I had decided to try a self-supporting chemise to wear under garb.  This way I would have support but not be tied to only one century (i.e. the GFD century) since I could wear it under earlier stuff (ok so the line not might always go with earlier period but it certainly doesn't not go).

Yeah.  Umm.  Hmm.

Me and mono boob look do not go well together.  I know people swear by GFDs.  Not seeing it here.  (OK, maybe in the hands of a really good fitter I might be convinced, but that's not happening here, in time for Pennsic).  It doesn't help that my shoulders are different heights (combination of slight scoliosis plus child stuff plus backpack issues plus who knows what else) or that the breasts are different sizes.  I don't know, the whole there has to be some squashing doesn't sit well with me.  (Its one of the reasons why I do not like the cone-shape of Elizabethan times).  Aelfwynn and I discussed some more -- I have a new plan of action for this next week.  There is also another option I might consider, but not sure I can get it done in time.  We'll see.  (Yes, I'm being vague -- it's my journal and I'm allowed to be vague.  I"ll post updates, maybe).

So, I finish up my sewing (well, really my crying fest after the failures of it all and not wanting to deal with things) and we tell the kids to get ready to go out.  Dinner withsequentialscott andladyaelfwynn and their kidlet was happening.  But while getting ready to go we discovered that one of our kids had been picking at the backing of the remote to the DVR.  The new remote, to the new DVR, that has been in the house for one week.  (The old remote had been replaced along the line for the same reason).  This is just an ongoing pattern of behavior with our kids for not showing respect for property  and destroying things all the time.  Other actions amd inactions made the drive to the restaurant not fun for the family.  But we got there (only a little late) and being with friends helped improve our mood alot.  The restaurant is a favorite of mine (Aladin's), and is a really good Middle Eastern place.  (I know, surprising find in our sleepy southern town).   But since they also offer plainer American faire it is acceptable for the rest of my family.  Most amusing part of the night was having Aelfwynn get a lead on doing a dancing gig there in the future.

All came back home.  Wii games for the boys, the gaggle of girls went off to play, and Aelwynn and I got to sit on my bed while she sewed little mirrors onto a dance belt.  Much talk ensued and it was good.  She also was able to give another mini dance lesson to Susan, and she also brought her an Ishtar CD for her to dance to.  The girls wanted it as their night-time sleep music as well.  I have an Ishtar fan on my hands!

siegfried1 had to leave to go into the office to work.  The others stayed for a bit longer before getting onto the road to head home.  I put my tired little ones to bed and have been catching up on emails and LJ and FB.  Much better day than what the early projections seemed to be.  :)
 

First off, have someone else clean out your mudroom and organize all  the crap stuff into managable piles, i.e. give away, hand up, needs to be in another room because it does not belong here.  (That's the easy step).  Now here's how it the project actually happens........

 

I know, pretty simple project, no?  Of course I was doing this while also shuttling kids to swimming lessons, making dinner, etc etc etc.

Surprising thing is I got this done this week.  Faster than if I had ordered shelves to put them in.  Why can't I get other projects done quickly?  Of course It consumed all of my free time (either thinking time or actual working time).  And it shows me I really need to get that workshop organized so I can get things done without a hassle.  And I want to find a drill that will fit my hands (I have small, shild sized hands and I have difficulties with the drill since it is so huge in my hands).

So, I have had two weeks of wearing the new bras.  Let me tell you this, I have had no back or shoulder pain at all.  And that is something most welcome by me.  As to the state of my wardrobe (mundane and period), I am still figuring out what works and does not.  sigh.  I need more time.

Yesterday at Novice I learned an important thing.  While I was comfortable most of the day, by late afternoon (and especially for the ride home) I was uncomfortable.  I was way too sweaty, and wanted nothing more than not to be wearing that bra.  (I had not brought the second one to change into -- didn't think about it).  So, where does this leave me for Pennsic, where the weather is more so, and goes on for many more days than a loacl day-trippable event?  (And I don't even go for the whole 2 weeks -- I'm there for 8 days total).  Oh, and it is only 40 days until I leave, plus there is a trip down to Montreat in the middle of that.  sigh.

While I like the idea of a self-supporting dress (aka GFD or whatever you want to call it) I am not in love with that time period and do not want to wear it all the time.  Nor am I in love with late period, although perhaps a good fitted supportive tudor kirtle might work.  Oh, but there is that pesky fact that Pennsic is 40 days away.  40 days seems like an eternity and yet I know that it is way too short a time to get too ambitious sewing-wise for me.  I have somewhat important duties (such as taking care of my children) to do as well.

Time, time, time.  It is my enemy.

What to do, what to do.  I seriously do not know.  Any ideas?

Hey Aelfwynn --- I'm going to try giveing you a call tonight after I get back from singing, say 9ish.  We need to talk I think.

So, today we went to Novice (I know, it was also Challenge of the Heart or whatever, but it is so much easier just to use one word to describe/name an event sometimes).  This was to be a laid back event for us, and it was.  We were only committed to going because of youth fighting -- both to get more time in for the kids and to get Siegfried more time in for MIT stuff.  For me it was a "free event."  Meaning, no major work or time commitment on my part.  That was really nice -- a change I needed.  Reminded me about what I like inthe SCA.  The only thing was that I had committed a table for hospitality use, as well as rugs.  Oh, and some food.  In this case beside munchies I brought jelly sandwiches, using some of the preserves made last year.  Well appreciated.

The weather was tolerable.  Rain in the morning.  In the afternoon it got sunny, and warm, but not so sunny so fast that it became oppresively humid.  No, it stayed your normal, everyday humid.  :)

Youth fighting was moved to the upstairs of the barn.  Which was good in one aspect, because it put the kids in a "safe" environment (i.e. not going to get struck by lighting).  But it was really hot up there with little air movement.  I helped get our three armored up, and then went and got our personal water coolers (brought to supplement the Stierbach hospitality table) and took them up there with extra cups so that the kids and marshals up there wouldn't keel over.  I went up several times to make sure there was enough water -- it was appreciated by all.

All three children were in the practice, but both Richard and Susan got overheated up there int he barn, and came down to the tent and said they were done.  Ok.  Rose stayed in armor, coming down and getting snacks and then going back up.  But when it came time to do the tourney (down on the Rapier list field), suddenly Rose did not want to fight but Richard had recovered enough to fight.  Go figure.  Susan was still out.  Richard lost his fights (although he did get some kills in), and was in tears because he has lost.  He is still a little boy.  We had a talk before bedtime about how wanting to win and being upset about losing is OK -- its not letting go that is bad.  He was fine shortly after the tourney that he had lost. 

I took my mid-afternoon "nap", which I think now must be a requirement for me at events.  I need to just lie down, even if surrounded by people, and close my eyes and make believe that there are no people around.  I was in a much beter mood after I did that today.

I saw some interesting things today in regards to rules and people who follow them and people who do not, and how people handle that.  Youth combat shots that are not called, and how these young fighters handle it (good and bad).  But also youth combat weapons made against regulation -- like it or not the rules of weapons construction need to be followed.  Is it like this on the adult combat fields as well?

I was more than a little punchy at times sitting there in the tent.  I think that some people should be glad that I am not able to be around others regularly, or it good become a bad thing to have me around.

We were home before it was dark, and able to put the kids to bed at a normal time.  I took a welcome shower.  :)  That is also nice.  I like local events.

Yesterday was a cold, grey day here.  (What is it with the weather?  Summer, then Spring, then Summer all in one week).  Besides putting a damper on the kids activities (the girls really wanted to play outside) it put a damper on moods too.  Luckily I didn't have to yell at them too much to treat each other nicely.  :)  Only one sulk that I know of, and only the trace of a few temper tantrums.  You'd think from those statements that I still had toddlers in the house.

I did spend a fair bit of time editing yesterday.  I went back to the stuff I wrote for NaNoWriMo 2007.  I've read it a few times since then, but yesterday I got the urge to start putting in some of the edits and corrections that are floating throughout my brain.  Got an idea that cleans up some of the structure.  We'll see if it works.  Felt good to be working on writing again.

Looking back, I have identified one of the major cause for the downward spiral that happened sunday and monday.  In of itself, it was not (nor should have) caused that much, but the addition of a zillion little things heaped upon me all at once did not help.  (Never does).  I looked back in time and can see where a change happened, and how that has affected the ebb and flow and interactions of certain things/places/people.  At least I think I have identified it -- I could be wrong.  But I am working under the assumption that I have and I am using that to keep myself from being put into that situation again.

Singing practice last night was good.  We sing on Sunday at Christ Church in Alexandria, and then there will be a break for summer.  It will be strange not driving up there so often.  It has been a nice thing to do again, and the time Siegfried and I get in the car on the drive home (alone!) means that we can talk to each other about things (important and unimportant).

Today I have a friend's daughter over for the day so she can clean out her classroom at school before moving at the end of the month.  Not the easiest start to summer vacation, but I guess having 4 children in the house today means that 3 children tomorrow will be calmer, right?  I can hope.

Emails from my sisters back and forth on the mess of my father's "estate" and what my step-mother is (and is not) doing.  I so want to be an ostrich.

I'm hoping not too much further, or I might just reach a breaking point.

Life sucks.  Tons of little things piling up on me.  Tons of annoyances around me or being piled upon me or being shown to me. 

Individually the things are small, minor, of no importance.  But the more they are piled up around me the lower I sink.

I cannot see my path.  I am unsure of what I want.

Do not be around me today, or perhaps tomorrow, or maybe anytime in the future.  No hugs, no condoloences, no nothing.  No advice, no shallow words of comfort.  I want a complete do over of my entire life, perhaps starting from my first breath (or maybe just the last 10 or so years -- I can't decide). 

So, the most exciting thing of the week was the black snake that I discovered on our porch thursday afternoon.  As I came down the stairs from taking a nap I spy this thing that did not look right on our porch.  I froze when I realized it was a black snake, about 4 or 5 feet long, stretched out with hus little zig zags.  And not moving.  I even slipped out on the porch and saw he was not moving.  Dead, right?  Well, I go and pick the kids up from school and go to the allergists office for Richard's shot.  We come back home (in through the garage of course) and I sneak a peek at the porch.  Still there, same spot.  Dead, right?  Don't tell the kids, because we already had to deal with a dead garter snake on the driveway on monday morning and they were not amused.  Not sure how they would handle a large one.  Well, after Rose goes off to art class with her grandmother Richard comes and tells me he sees a snake on the porch.  I tell him that I know and that it is dead.  We go and look.  Funny, it is about 6 inches over from where it had been (but everything else was the same).  Dead, right?  Well, I check again in 10 minutes, and its gone.  Heart leaps.  And then I see it down at the end of the porch.  Trying to figure out how to get off the porch.  Eventually it moved down and into the grass and across the lawn to my area near the bird feeder.  There it stayed for a long time.  (Hmm, birds and small rodents near there -- I think it found a lunch spot).  Friday morning I see it coming across the lawn and takes up the same place again.  I now really check the ground when I go out.  It still spooks me, but since they are territorial snakes and will drive off other snakes (such as poisonous copperheads) I will live with it.  Oh, and if it knocks my vole population down so I stop having burrows all over my lawn, I will be happy.

I cut out a new shirt.  The fabric is left over from my bin and while I like it I am not emotionally attatched to it.  I'm hoping that the midifications I made for the change in bust will work.  (I know, I could have done a muslin, but where is the fun and frustration in that?!?!)

School is winding down.  Kids are excited for the end of things.  I am not too sure about it.  :)  But we have swim lessons lined up, as well as an engineering camp and piano lessons, as well as the normal trip down to Montreat.

This morning I did the long (years long) overdue task of clearing vegetation around the playground.  Weeds and viens and small trees were taking over the place.  Now, that is partly the fault of the fact that we did not put landscape barrier fabric down first, before the rocks.  sigh.  Also just not being proactive about clearing leaf debris out of the area.  It looks better.  Plus I got some trash picked up.  Hopefully they will be able to play down there more often.